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"Well-Meaning Idiots"

There is a well-meaning idiot in every audience, 
waiting to bring you down a notch. 
Some have accused us of not being the original Jack and Misty. 

They've also said things like this: 
"You sing and play beautifully. 
Of course I don't know anything about music." 

"I've heard of 'Tennessee Birdwalk', 
but it wasn't you." 

"You're very nice, 
but we REALLY liked the band that was here before. 
You should have heard them." 

"Can you play something fast?" 
(I say "Then can we go home early?") 

"You don't look as tall as you sound on records." 
(I say, "I'm taller when I sing.") 

"What do you do for a living on your real job?" 
("I sell Porcupine On a Stick.") 

"Are you brother and sister?" 
(I smile and say "Yes, and we're married!") 

"You're copying Nancy Sinatra and whatsizname." 
(I say "Wilford Brimley?") 

"My grandmother is a big fan of yours." 
(I say "What's her name? I may be your grandfather.") 

"I thought you were dead." 
(I say "Just when we were with the William Morris Agency.") 

"You sound just like (A) Leon Redbone, (B) Willie Nelson, (C) Roger Miller." 
(I say "They've got my voice down pat.") 

"You need a haircut." 
(I say, "This IS my haircut.") 

"Why don't you learn some hip-hop?" 
(I say "Why don't you climb up on your nose 
and give us the weather report?") 

Maybe I'll get a column out of this. 

Copyright  January 15, 2007 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.


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2007 all rights reserved.