"Too Sexy For Country Music"
This letter from a recording artist
infested my mailbox this morning...
Dear Jack,
Can you tell me what is wrong
with all these crooked charts and playlists?
My recordings are way better than everybody else’s
and yet they don’t get any airplay.
I see crappy songs at the top of the charts all the time!
Is it politics or payola?
It can’t be my fault
because my mother says I’m the greatest thing since Tiny Tim.
I am able to sing in one key
while the band plays in another.
How many of these alleged stars can do that
and cross their eyes at the same time?
I can play “Flight of the Bumblebee” on the guitar with my tongue,
although I’ve learned not to do it with an electric guitar.
I do a lot of promotion.
I even call DJ’s up and threaten their families,
but it doesn’t seem to help.
I’m getting ready to quit.
I’ve been struggling for almost a year now,
and I guess I’m just too sexy for Country Music.
Would you like to invest in my career?
Let me know soon because I have other offers.
Ernest Hemmingrhoid
* * *
Dear Ernest,
Thank you for not sending a tape.
© August 16, 2003 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
