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"Rocky And Farky"

MacArthur Fark was supposed to be named after the famous general, 
but he still thought it was a little joke by his parents 
at his expense. 
They enjoyed it too much. 

He tried to get others to call him Mack, 
but nobody did. 
They called him Fark… 
or Farky. 

Life can be tough for a kid with a funny name. 
He was good at sports in school, 
smarter than most, and not bad looking, 
but he never got the respect he hoped for. 

Once at his birthday party everybody sang this song: 
“MacArthur Fark is barking in the dark… 
Happy Birthday, dear Farky”. 

His only friend was Norman Rockwell, 
a smallish student who looked like a part time troll 
and barely managed a C minus average by cheating. 
Everybody called him Rocky. 

The football coach put Rockwell on the squad 
because he liked to yell the name Rocky at roll call. 
He got a laugh when he yelled out 
“Here, Farky, Farky, Farky.” 
Coaches can be jerks. 

Norman’s high school letter sweater said “Rocky” on it. 
He never took it off. 
The girls loved it. 
MacArthur’s sweater said “Farky”. 
“Yeah, “Farky” will draw the chicks”, 
he thought sarcastically. 

The summer after graduation they both worked at Burger King. 
Rocky was made manager, and had “Rocky” on his hat. 
Then they went off to different colleges, 
and later, when the usual shock of facing real life 
caught them by the usual surprise, 
they didn’t see each other for a long decade. 

Rocky made a hell of a car salesman. 
Who wouldn’t trust a Rocky? 
He was promoted to general manager, 
and then controlling partner 
in Big Rocky’s Best Buys, a nationwide car dealership. 
He was on the Better Business Bureau’s Most Wanted list, 
and lived in an exclusive gated community. 
Customers could not find his home to kill him. 

Farky had not done as well. 
He had just lost an important promotion to a guy named Casey, 
when he spotted his old friend in a local pub. 
Rocky was holding court at a large table, 
surrounded by his salesmen, 
who were laughing at his dumb jokes 
and generally kissing up. 

Farky carefully placed his fourth double whiskey on the bar 
and approached the group. 
Rocky saw him coming, but didn’t recognize him. 
“Who’s this wanker?” he said, 
and his stooges all laughed. 

Farky, smiled graciously, 
lifted Rocky out of his chair by the throat, 
and said “Hello, Norman”. 

As Rocky was being strangled 
he still thought Farky was an angry customer. 
“I’ll give you your money back!” he croaked!” 
Farky kept on cheerfully killing him. 

Naturally, the cops came and spoiled any getaway plans. 
MacArthur Fark was sentenced to 35 years for manslaughter, 
but it was reduced to 20 years 
because the victim was a car dealer. 

MacArthur didn’t mind prison at all 
because nobody called him Farky. 

He was big and strong, 
and the cons all called him Mack. 

Copyright © October 9, 2005 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. 


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