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"Quotations I Made Up"

The Agnostic's Dilemma: 
"I have 100 reasons why there is no God, 
so who's answering my prayers?" 

A Traditional Country Artist's Question: 
"My old records have back-up vocals. 
Should I feel ashamed?" 

Looking Back: 
"I used to be strong as an ox 
and twice as smart." 

"Nobody is completely sane 
when you get to know them." 

"The only problem with democracy is this: 
The majority is dumber than we think." 

"Anything is possible, 
but not probable. 
Give it a try anyway." 

"Right now I'm going to sit here. 
Then I plan to sit over there. 
I've got it all worked out. 
Hey! There's a documentary on PBS 
about bus station cuisine in the 1930's!" 

The Circle of Life: 
"What goes around comes around 
only if it happens to be the flu." 

"No matter how it looks from the outside, 
there is no such thing as one big happy family." 

"Nobody is as good 
or as bad 
as you think they are. 
They are probably worse." 

The News and our Health: 
"Nothing you can swallow is good for you. 
Every newscast has a warning 
about the dangers of some food or medicine. 
This gives us stress. 
Stress lowers our resistance, 
and is the main cause of illness. 

The Modern Hypochondriac: 
"Right now I don't feel too bad. 
I wonder what that means? 
Should I ask my doctor?" 

A Sign for the Gym: 
"Won't a lot of exercise put mileage on my heart?" 

Mother Teresa's Dilemma: 
"Every good deed contains a bit of selfishness, 
even if it's to save our own soul, 
or to like ourselves, 
so am I just being selfish by helping others?". 

The Futility of Debate: 
"Opinions are our most prized possessions 
and we protect them from your logic." 

My Condition: 
"My brain is so packed with wisdom, 
that just writing this 
eases the pressure." 

Copyright  October 10, 2005 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.


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