"Goody! We're Having Leftovers!"
MY DAD'S FLYING SCHOOL
My dad, years ago, had a flying school in Dayton.
It was called South Field. It later became part of Wright Patterson.
His flying school was doing OK until he got the idea
to expand it with a mail order course.
He taught flying through the mail!
The government put a stop to that after a few graduates flew into barns.
LITTLE ENOS
I used to know a great left handed guitar player and singer.
Had a band in Lexington, Kentucky. They called him Little Enos.
His sense of humor ran to putting his head down on a busy restaurant counter,
retching violently, and straightening up leaving plastic puke.
High class stuff.
Playboy Magazine did an eleven page story on him.
They wrote that he had a fine band,
but the "tackiest go-go dancers you've ever seen!
They looked pregnant and homeless."
I thought they were perfect.
Enos packed the house every night.
His real name was Carlos Toadvine.
We sincerely loved him, and since he died, we miss him.
FEEDING THE CHICKENS
Quote (From Bill Miller's Blue Chip Report, 4/10/01.):
"Michael Eisner, CEO of Walt Disney World, is laying off thousands of workers.
At the same time, he's taking an $11.5 million bonus for himself!"
Some people's idea of how to feed the chickens is this: Give more oats to the horse.
THE MOTORCYCLE GANG
Misty and I were playing at a local bar called Lou's Lounge,
and we took off sick one night.
The next night everybody told us that a motorcycle gang
had taken over the whole joint when we were off.
They were pretty rowdy. One even peed in a lady's purse.
The bartender told me a little old man walked in in the middle of it
and bought a drink.
He complained that the price was high.
The bartender told him:
"We like the prices high. It keeps the riff-raff out."
MAYBE IT'S JUST ME, BUT I THINK:
Time goes by slowly on the clock and quickly on the calendar.
Get a lot of ideas and throw most of them away. You only need one good one.
The small time abhors an original.
I've never met a redneck named Jim. Jimmy and James, but no Jim.
I've never met a black guy named Hank, Merle, or Lefty.
Let the guy without sin pass the first stone.
Song title: "Give My Remains To Broadway".
NYPD song title: "Homicide Of The Street".
Chinese song: "They Tried To Sell Us Egg Foo Young".
Arab song: "Sixteen Camels".
Insane people have no sense of humor. At least I like to think so.
i hATE tHE cAPS lOCK kEY!
i hATE tHE cAPS lOCK kEY!!!
yOU'D THINK ibm OR mICROsOFT COULD DO BETTER!
i'M TAKING IT BACK TO k-mart ON mONDAY!
wHAT Is THIS LITTLE GREEN LIGHT?
Copyright © May 22, 2001 by Jack Blanchard.
CORRECTION.
I would like to apologize for the grammatical errors in yesterday's article,
but I can't. It wasn't my fault
For some reason, my Spell Checker doesn't know the difference between "there",
"their", and "they're". I'm taking it back to Office Depot.
Please make the appropriate corrections before deleting it.
Thank you.
Jack Blanchard
The Dixie Chicks AND Jack & Misty!
I recently sent out a quote that we thought was nice,
because it named us as representing good country music.
(If you missed it, I've pasted it below.)
I should have made this clear: I like the Dixie Chicks!
I think they're one of the best young groups out there.
My favorite Chicks cut is "Give It Up Or Let Me Go".
So, hey, Chicks fans, relax! I'm with you.
Jack Blanchard
(Posted by Graham Wilson on May 23, 2001 at 12:35:13:)
"Does anyone know of any other internet country radio station
(like Twangtown USA) that plays programmes submitted by djs around the world?
If so, PLEASE let me know, as I'd like to expand my programmes if possible.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I only feature indie artistes,
and good country oldies. Dixie Chicks ?? BAHHHH Give me Jack & Misty ANYTIME!!!"
Thanks, Graham.
Jack & Misty
DO WE OWE YOU MONEY? (April 2nd)
Do we owe you money? Have we callously ignored your emails?
Did we welch on a promise? Did we cause you to get mad and kick your dog Lucky?
If you hate us, well don't worry, it's all okay.
We have an excuse.
Bellsouth went nuts and we lost all the emails from our inbox!
If I so much as TOUCHED the mail, the whole computer would
freeze into a grotesque expression and just stare at me.
I was up all night defragging and today I found out
it wasn't my frags at all.
It was Bellsouth installing a new toilet tank floater ball.
They're as squirrelly as Tripod.
FACT FOR THE DAY: When a chicken gains weight it never shows in its face.
BRAIN STATIC: THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY. (June 6)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my music.
I want to achieve immortality by not dying.
Sometimes my stuff vanishes into thin air just to screw me.
And then reappears out of nowhere. when I don't need it.
Copyright © May 7, 2001 (except where noted) by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
