A songwriter must, at all times,
look like he’s composing a masterpiece.
This prevents the neighbors from discovering that he’s a lazy bum,
and the spouse from asking the genius to take out the garbage.
Position #1, “Sleeping Beauty”:
Sit leaning over a musical instrument,
looking intensely intelligent.
Try not to cough or make any other animal sounds
that may draw attention
and give you away.
Position #2., “The Thomas Edison”:
Place yourself in the midst of a studio or music room
that appears to have been ransacked by monkeys.
Hold a piece of sheet music in your hand,
and pretend that you can read it.
Position #3: “The Cool Guy”:
Sit relaxed,
with your feet propped up,
and an old hat worn at a nonchalant angle.
This is sort of a Kris Kristofferson or Jimmy Webb style,
in which you are about to write a dozen hits
and then say you were only joking.
See if you can get someone to bring you a beer, for a prop.
Toss down a few pills when anybody’s looking,
but try to avoid laxatives.
I’ve found that these exercises actually help in songwriting,
maybe because people avoid me.
They think I’m nuts.
Copyright © Jan. 11, 2005, Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.
