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"Car Sickness"

We love our car. 
It's not new, but we own it. 
No payments. 

It woke up sick a couple of weeks ago. 
It was perky and fine the night before, 
but now it was hacking and convulsing 
as though trying to cough up Linda Blair. 

It's running so badly that we can't take it out on the road 
and our neighbors are losing the magic 
of hauling us to the store and post office. 

It's burning a gallon of gas every six yards, 
and goes from zero to 10 mph in a half hour. 

We have replaced the timing chain, the distributor, 
the alternator, the battery and cables, the spark plugs, 
the floater ball, and some other things. 
Now we have a junk car with a tune up. 

It's on and off, mostly off. 
It might run OK in the morning 
until you hit a bump, 
make a sharp turn 
or move your mouth a certain way. 
Then the "Check Engine" light comes on 
and the car has one long seizure the rest of the day. 

The computer is trying to blame the MAF sensor 
or the EGR valve...Another $150 worth, at least. 
We won't know if that will work until we put the new parts in. 
It could even be the computer itself, God forbid. 
Maybe it needs a Heimlich Maneuver. 

We are replacing all the parts in alphabetical order. 
We're up to the M's. 

It's such a nice car in every way, 
if you don't want to go anyplace. 

Copyright  March 10, 2005 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.


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