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"Age Will Get A Fight From Me"

I will never “act my age”
or “grow old gracefully”.
I will be a hip dude on my deathbed.
Come to think of it,
I don’t even own a deathbed
and I’m not going to buy one.

I will continue to hold my stomach in around women.
I refuse to cut off my hair.
I intend to lie about my age
and possibly my height.

I will not buy larger jeans
even if I have to lie down and hold my breath
to zip them up.
Stretch jeans are cheating.

I hate it when I try to undo the top button on my pants
and I already did it!

I plan to get a face-lift on my 90th birthday.
Maybe some kind of implants, too.

If my hands won't play the notes fast enough
I'll think of a slower trick to fool the audience.

I'll keep wearing shades because I think they’re cool
but not the huge wrap-around kind.

I will not think old.

I may even make jokes about old coots
who are probably younger than I am.
Some people are old all their lives.
I knew some geezers in high school.

Is all this a pathetic attempt at youth?
But at least it’s an attempt.

Old age will get a fight from me.

Copyright © November 25, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.


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