"A Strange Experiment"
First a little historical background:
Before there were nerds, geeks, and dweebs,
there were squares.
The only difference was the squares had short haircuts,
which is now hip.
The hippies had long hair and were hip, hence the name.
Cowboys without horses were a source of humor:
All hat and no cattle, etc..
(I once rode with a cowboy who had hemorrhoids.
Hank had to stop every couple of miles and fluff up his horse.)
Kids never played Cowboys and Native Americans.
We thought they were Indians and liked their names,
like: Sitting Duck, Standing Water, and Trailing Throttle.
My wife is part Indian and says "Indian".
In the sixties and seventies, Indian was hip.
Wayne Newton became one.
Indians have no part in this story.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
In fact this is just a hypothetical experiment I made up
to test Einstein's Theory of Relativity.
The 1970 Experiment:
Bus A and Bus B are parked side by side.
Bus A begins to move.
According to Einstein it's impossible for the passengers
on either bus to tell which one is moving,
until they meet a stationary object like a lamp post or a wino.
I've found that this applies in daily life.
A hippy walks up to a bus stop, sits down on the empty bench,
and begins smoking his transfer.
A guy in a cowboy suit, whose bike chain broke,
approaches from the other direction
and sits on the other side of the bench.
They regard each other darkly.
Here's where Einstein's theory comes in:
It is impossible at this point for either party to know which one is nuts.
They need a stationary point of perspective.
From out of nowhere appears a crewcut gentleman
in horn rims and Wash and Wear.
He sits in the middle, his transistor playing Lawrence Welk,
as he chews a Chlorette
and shines his oxfords on the back of his pants.
This is the inert object needed for our experiment.
Each one is absolutely sure the other two are nuts.
The square takes out his nail clippers and snips the hippy's bead string.
While the cowboy is laughing heartily at this,
the square turns,
and with both hands on the brim of the cowboy's ten gallon hat,
forces it down to his shoulders.
With a muffled oath, the cowboy grabs the square,
while the hippy beats him on the head with his Peace sign.
As the hippy swings his sign,
he slips on the broken beads and grasps the other two for balance.
The three begin turning as one, on a sea of ball bearings.
Our subjects roll helplessly into the roadway
and are promptly run over by Bus A.
This, students, proves that Bus B is the one that was not moving,
thereby restoring your faith in science.
Copyright © January 12, 2001 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
