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"A Musician's Dream World"

Musicians and artists tend to equate what they do 
with who they are. 
I know my work and my life are closely entwined.
Maybe this is partly the reason for my recurring dream. 
The plot has been the same every night for years 
but the characters and scenery are different each time. 

The constants in all of the dreams are these: 
I am in a strange place, 
I am trying to solve problems that confront me, 
and I’m trying to find my way to where I belong.
This might be connected to our years as a traveling band,
always on the road, off balance in strange places,
gradually fading our connection to home.

Sometimes the place I’m trying to get to is my hotel room, 
or the place where our show is supposed to be, 
but most often I’m trying to get home. 
I’m not ever sure what or where “home” is. 

I walk down streets searching for something in these dreams 
and when I turn around to go back, the streets are different, 
as though I made a wrong turn somewhere. 
I usually end up in a dangerous neighborhood. 

Often in these dreams I’m trying to call “home” on the telephone. 
Occasionally a member of my immediate family answers. 
In the dream world I seem to forget that they have all passed away. 

I had one of the worst ones this morning. 
It seemed to go on for days. 
Near the end, a woman took my arm and asked “Are you all right?”. 
I said this: “I think I may have Alzheimer’s. 
I don’t know where I am.” 

I can’t afford therapy, but writing about it helps. 

Anyway, I woke up today after the usual dream, and thought this: 
These dreams are a lot like my life. 
The “home” part is the puzzle. 
Where is this “home”? 
Could my long gone loved ones possibly be there? 
Could it be what people call Heaven? 

I still don’t have any answers, 
but these are some interesting questions. 

I make a lousy religious or spiritual person, 
because I think too much. 
Questions make faith difficult. 

There is a Randy Newman song that goes like this: 
“This world is precious to me, 
but Heaven is my home.” 

That would be really nice.

Copyright © April 18, 2008 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.


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