Dirty words are everywhere 
if you look for them. 

An elderly lady called the police 
about a naked man in the window across the street. 
The cop said "I don't see anything." 
The lady said "Oh No? Just stand on this table and have a look!" 

Some people have profanity filters on their computers 
that are like that lady. 
They get all excited 
when they find stuff in words like "scrap metal", "association" 
and "booby trap".. 

I sent out a nightly email 
and got rejected by two recipients for "Vulgarity". 
Radio station WSM and others 
have installed a software program that blushes 
at even the hint of a naughty word. 

The word they rejected my email for was this: "assc". 
They said I committed this sin twice. 
I looked through my text and found that 
"assc" is just a few letters out of the middle of a DJ's name. 

I didn't even know that "assc" was a bad word! 
I guess the kids will think I'm a dweeb... 
or a dumb assc. 

My friend Dick Shuey was rejected because of his first name! 
That's true. 
In fact, this whole article is true. 
Dick says that my name is next. 

I'm glad I didn't mention "Winnie the Pooh". 
I could have been arrested. 

This column will probably cause their computers to faint. 



Copyright © April 14, 2006, Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.