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"To Pee Or Not to Pee"

Paul, Bernie, and I were sitting outside talking,
as we do several evenings a week.
Paul and I do most of the talking.
I guess Bernie is our audience.

Bernie is a retired Navy guy,
and Paul was a Hialeah cop for about twenty years.
We're pretty much opposites.
I'm a night person,
and they get up about the time I'm going to bed,
but maybe our differences make the talk more fun.

One night, when Paul was on the police force,
easing his cruiser through a mall parking lot,
he spotted a car with a Maine license plate.
Then he saw another Maine tag on the very next car,
and the numbers on the two vehicle plates were exactly the same,
side by side.
He waited.

When the people came out to get into their cars,
Paul said this to them:
"I know that in Maine they have two license plates, front and back,
because I'm from there.
I assume you put one on the back of each car to get down here,
because Florida only has one rear plate, 
and you thought nobody would spot them,
but from now on you ought to at least park at opposite ends of the lot."
He let them go.

Last night the subject turned to cats,
and the aroma they can sometimes make in the house.
I know nothing about cats, 
and Paul was telling me that male cats can be more of a problem,
"because if they have to go, and they don't feel like walking to the litter box,
they might just spray in a corner of the room."

I said "They spray?"
Paul said "Yes, they raise their tail and pee."
I said "They pee through their tail?"
Paul's face was getting a little red,
and in a louder tone he said "NO! THEY SHAKE THEIR TAIL AND PEE!"
"That must be distracting to them", I said in a calm angelic voice.
Bernie was chuckling and Paul said nothing.
He did give me an emphatic hand gesture.

I said "Well, I know I couldn't do it."

Copyright  August 20, 2007 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

 

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