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"Things I Rarely Say."

"Let me show you to the door."
I've never had a house big enough to lose the door. 

I hardly ever say:
"You look lovely tonight."
to a parking attendant. 

I don't say any of these very much either: 
  "I'd like to buy a chain saw and a ski mask, please."
  "Why, yes. I WOULD like the extended warranty!"
  "Would you like to see my portfolio?"
  "Can anyone here play the spoons?"
  "I'll be at the gym."
  "Yes, please. I WOULD like a knuckle sandwich."
  "I'm sure these motel sheets are clean."
  "I'd like to put on a few pounds."
  "Put out an APB! On the double!"
  "I'd like to see something in an ascot."
  "Can you sell me a Pinto?"
  "Let's do lunch sometime."
  "Allow me to introduce myself."
  "The bridge is out. You'll have to stay the night."
  "I don't like it. It's too quiet out there."
  "I'd like to buy a smoking jacket."
  "I really miss Spiro Agnew."
  "This wine has a good nose."
  "Can you play a merengue?"
  "I'd like to buy a fold-up scooter and a rap CD." 

Even though I try to avoid clichés,
I say this to my wife every morning at breakfast:
"Do you come here often?" 

Copyright © September 10, 2002 by Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.

 

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