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"Why I Never Got A Pickup Truck"

I've worn a cowboy hats and boots,
but I've never worn chaps...
except in certain private situations.

I drank beer and cussed and sang country songs,
but I've never had a pickup truck.
I've had station wagons and sports cars,
but I didn't wear my cowboy hat while driving those.
It would be like wearing socks and sandals.
No offense.

Nobody ever thought I was a real cowboy anyway,
except one Indian in South Dakota.
He said "Got a cigarette, cowboy?"
I liked him right away.

Cowboys in the old western movies never had trucks either.
I always wanted to be in a western.
I would whistle, 
and my horse would run right over to me and say "What?"

A good name for a western movie would be this:
"Pickalong Cavity, Frontier Dentist".
I would ride into town and ask where I can locate that there frontier dentist.
Gabby Hayes would tell me "Just over yonder, stranger, 
where you see that palomino wearing dentures." 

As sheriff I would go after them bushwackers.
Somebody's got to do it
or we won't have a damn bush left in the territory.

Once I thought about getting a pickup truck
and starting a low priced taxi service for hobos.
The good thing about picking up the homeless
is that you can drop them off anywhere.

Copyright  May 3, 2008 Jack Blanchard. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

 

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