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"The Land Of Sunshine"
This is Florida, The Sunshine State.
I'll let you know if we ever see any.
The sky is a big chunk of liver,
It's been raining steadily for over a week,
and the forecast for tomorrow is "Wear your rubber pants."
I'm glad I'm not paying big money to slosh around Walt Disney World.
I can slosh around the house for free.
Our idea of a nice day is when a tree doesn't blow down on us,
or when the lightning goes away for a few minutes,
and we can come out from under the kitchen table.
Creepy crawly things are coming up out of the ground to keep from drowning,
and to have fun with us.
To top off the hilarity, it's alligator mating time.
Alligators can mate on your welcome mat if it amuses them.
Mating makes them hungry,
and we look like groceries.
Sharks are going after the tourists,
and the sharks aren't all in the ocean.
The heaviest part of the hurricane season is just around the corner,
and an excess of rainwater just caused a huge sinkhole near here.
The authorities are looking into it.
The smileyface TV weather bimbos keep saying how wonderful it is…
that we "NEED the rain".
I wish they had our roof.
The frogs behind our place are barking like German shepherds.
The German shepherds are hiding under the table.
I'd like to move to a nice desert.
Meanwhile, if you want me,
I'll be here under the kitchen table in my rubber pants.
Copyright © July 13, 2002 by Jack Blanchard.